By Emery Fall
Devlin Thomas may be the single best thing that happened to Hollow Grove. Despite what the naysayers might tell you, Thomas is the most qualified candidate to handle many of the problems that plague this town.
I have been a vocal support of Devlin Thomas since he announced his election bid back last year. I’ve made no secret of my support and I proudly brandished my “Make Hollow Grove Normal” hat and bumper sticker from Day 1. Our town’s been faltering economically for the last few decades with the exceptions of our Halloween celebrations and Devlin Thomas business acumen proves that he has the chops to handle the job. He’s admittedly rough around the edges but the simple way he carries himself resonates with the working man. He doesn’t try to confuse the populace with political jargon and pretty speech. He gets to the heart of the matter unlike your average politician who are all smiles and vague promises.
The media (regrettably some in this very newsroom) are quick to dismiss the reasonable policies Thomas wishes to put into place. He wants to encourage outside business to invest more money into the town by repealing the Restrictive Rites’ laws. These backward laws force business owners to tie their mind, bodies and soul to the community through an elaborate ritual that involves bloodletting. Even most fast food chains refuse to submit to such ancient practices.
Along with that, he wants to keep more of the money in the pockets of hardworking citizens by cutting taxes across the board. Corporate taxes will be lowered under a Thomas term which will reenergize the community and stimulate local growth. Along with this, he made a promise to rid ourselves of the flawed economic policies of administrations’ past who were known for governmental overreach. He promised to discontinue failed policies like the Supernatural Security Bill and replace it with something far more functional. One of the main pillars of his campaign was to curtail government intervention in most aspects of civilian life.
When he says that his mayoral term will be “phenomenal” and the “very best,” I believe him.
Not only that but he promises to always put the people’s interest first in all matters of state. He plans to personally petition the state legislator for Hollow Grove’s interest, even going so far as to sue against any egregious act against our town. In the past, Hollow Grove held very little sway in the realm of state politics being wholly ambivalent to them. He promises to not let the likes of Governor Bissette and her cronies tread freely on our civil liberties any longer. In his own circle, Thomas is already laying the groundwork for the town’s mutual interest by surrounding himself with his fellow businessmen and bankers. They know the system and will manipulate it to the benefit of all.
People like to point to the “hate speech” that has characterized his campaign against the supernaturally inclined in our community as a reason for his unfitness for public office. They say he lacks the temperament for mayor, more inclined to pick a fight than to end one. They point to his Twitter profile, his tendency to salt reporters, and the more extreme of his supporter base as reasons to deem him “The Hate Candidate.” But Devlin Thomas never said he hated anyone. He just wished his dissenters would act more civil in public discourse. To not overreact to simple statements that lack the venom that most people like to attribute to them. We have become a culture quick to be offended. We misinterpret phrases like “Werewolves are vicious killers and cannibals” and refuse to look at the basis for such accusations. We should address these fears rather than dismiss them as being hateful rhetoric.
The more extreme of Thomas’ policies perhaps need a bit of polishing but most are pretty feasible. Why not provide reasonable resettlement of the werewolf population? They would probably be more comfortable in the confines of Moonlight Bay. It has “moon” in its town title. Werewolves love the moon. And why do zombies get special treatment for living? Everyone does that everyday and you don’t hear them crying about it.
And besides, citizens of Hollow Grove, you cannot tell me that you’ve never wished away the existence of another being. For myself at least, there isn’t a day that goes by that I wish for the grand burning of my neighbor’s house. I often imagine myself doing the jitterbug around their corpses. Does this mean I hate them? Of course not. I just want them to move away. They’re loud and obnoxious.
At times we are a town divided–turning to superficial differences to erase the fact that we are all noble citizens of Hollow Grove. Pointing these out divide us more than anything else and claiming special treatment for years of past persecution and harassment is just being petty. Stakings are things of the past. Public burnings are things of the past.
Devlin Thomas will unite us if we give him the chance. He will usher in a grand age for Hollow Grove composed of economic prosperity, law and order.
Edited by September Knight